Our story begins with-- Wait seriously, this is our protagonist? He seems like kind of a major weirdo. What the hell are we getting ourselves into with this guy? Well, it looks like we're stuck with him, so we might as well give him a name.
What will it be?
> Enter name.
True as that may be, he doesn’t look too happy about it.
> Come on now, get serious.
> Examine room.
Your name is ZAPH. Today is JUNE 22, 2012, which holds no particular significance to you whatsoever. Not yet, at least. As it turns out, the narrator’s speculation was correct. You’re a rather ECCENTRIC fellow with a variety of INTERESTS. You can usually be found SURFING THE WEB or playing NINTENDO GAMES, because all other systems are BULLSHIT. You like to consider yourself something of an expert on POP CULTURE, and you are constantly making OBSCURE REFERENCES to your favorite TV SHOWS and MOVIES. You've been known to dabble in the ARTS and often become completely ensconced in your FANTASY WORLDS. You also have a strange affinity for AMPHIBIANS.
What will you do?