TC: Look, Nivvos, you're making a stellar first impression, but I'm kind of trying to have a conversation with someone else right now.
CA: Yes, I gathered by the way you were apparently talking to dead air that you'd been contacted by your exile.
CA: They're characters from the game who manage to land themselves on the players' home planet once everything goes south in the medium. Some by accident, some quite deliberately. They serve as our guides when we get into tight spots, but it's a shoddily designed system. Usually they don't even understand their own purpose.
CA: Though I suppose that could be said for many of us, couldn't it?
TC: Why do you keep saying "us"? We're not in this together. Hell, if it weren't for you guys, we wouldn't be in this mess at all! We'd all still be at home living our normal, boring, cozy lives. Not to mention Conn's dad wouldn't be dead!! Do you realize this game has LITERALLY killed people already? I don't even know what to tell the guy!
CA: Hm, yes, I do apologize for that. I would say that nobody could have seen it coming, but that's not entirely true. It was foreseeable, but sadly unavoidable.
CA: You clearly have a great deal on your mind at the moment. So allow me to ease your worries.
CA: You will win this game. No question about it. Your victory is a guarantee.
TC: I don't understand. How can you know that? Why tell me?
CA: Because I'm not partial to the cryptic malarkey our sprites love to spew at us. I prefer to cut to the chase.
CA: Here's the lowdown, love. We - the other trolls and I - we need you to finish this game. It's of the utmost importance to us, because, although I'm ashamed to admit it, the fate of our entire way of life rests on your shoulders. I know, I know, it's a terrible burden to bear, but someone has to bear it.
CA: Where we come from, the land is ruled with an iron fist by a loose coalition of bloodthirsty warlords. Some say they used to be better, but I don't buy it. They're a rotten bunch. Espionage, exploitation, execution, you name it, they're guilty of it.
CA: Now, our world suffered from a premature meteor-induced apocalypse, much like your own. But if my sources are correct, this corrupt group of wretches survived the process, and they're attempting to rebuild their edifice of oppression as we speak.
CA: And that's why we need you. I believe you and your friends are going to be the ones to take them down.
TC: Dude, are you kidding?
TC: If you know us so well, what the true and genuine fuck would possibly lead you to believe that we're capable of bringing down an evil empire?
CA: I have... a reliable source.
CA: Trust me on this, Todd, you're capable of more than you know. I've seen it myself. Zaph, too. And Jenn. And certainly Conn.
CA: The truth is I've been observing you all for quite a while, but I've grown especially fond of you in particular. So I decided to open up to you before any of the others, because in all honesty, you're my favorite.
TC: Reign it in a little, pal.
CA: Pardon my flattery, but I think you and I would make an excellent team, if you'd allow me the privilege. We are men of science, are we not? Intellectuals. The others don't understand. That's why the trolls act so crudely toward you. You intimidate them, the whole lot. And instead of showing you the admiration you deserve, they try to bring you down to their well-meaning but ultimately sub-par level.
CA: By the time I'm through with you? You'll have their respect.
TC: I've got to hand it to you, you've definitely been less obnoxious than those other guys. Also it's easier to read what you're saying. Don't your friends all have some weird typing quirks?
CA: Oh, but I do too. Haven't you noticed? Every troll has a unique method of discourse, and I'm no exception. The others use superficial flourishes in their text, I rely on my impeccable charisma alone. Given the social norms of my culture, wouldn't you say that the very lack of their desperate attention-grabbing nonsense is, in itself, "quirky"?
TC: You know what, Nivvos?
TC: I like the way you think.