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Interplosion: The First Uprising

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Gunslinger

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Post Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:58 pm

Interplosion: The First Uprising

INTERPLOSION: THE FIRST UPRISING
Chapter Listing:
Prologue
Chapter 1: Investigation
Chapter 2: Confrontation
Chapter 3: Conclusion, Part One
Chapter 3: Conclusion, Part Two

Prologue
A grim light was cast over the majestic Interplosion Mansion as the clouds gave way to clear skies, a full moon resting among the stars above. It was quiet in the mansion as most of its denizens had long since retired from the common room into their own chambers. Only two people braved the late hour as they sat in the common room, speaking of topics new and old, trivial and serious, mundane and the opposite of mundane. Nickjackal and Randoman sat there contentedly as the rest of the mansion slept soundly.

Until, that is, the explosion.

It tore through the silence of the night as needles tear through random kids in the street. The previously peaceful mansion suddenly erupted into action as all members came running out of their rooms, searching for the source of the explosion. The only thing people could agree upon was "up", so they quickly darted up the stairs. Well, as quickly as some 15 odd people can run up stairs meant for a single person can possibly dart.

When they reached the top floor, they saw the source of the explosion - the attic, where it was well known that housemate Azog was cooking meth, and where it was rumored that a mythical housemate known only as Xicon also cooked meth. Everyone but Zaphod quickly made the connection and ran down the hall, grabbing conveniently placed fire extinguishers. After a moment or so, Zaphod finally figured out what was happening, and ran back downstairs to get a glass of water to put the fire out.

The scene was utter chaos. Bobthecrusher held his fire extinguisher like a pro, lamenting that he was getting too old for this shit as he methodically put out some of the flames. Deimos, far more concerned about his supply of meth drying up in the wake of the destroyed lab, was frantically extinguishing flames, hoping to find the container with the newest (and potentially final) batch. Nickjackal, annoyed at the disruption of his nightly absurdity, made the best of the situation by roasting a marshmallow nonchalantly over the inferno. McWeird stared at the flames and said, "Arthropods." Tod was cackling madly as he sprayed his extinguisher in short bursts as if it were a shotgun. Despite their efforts, however, the flames were not retreating - in fact, they seemed to be advancing into the rest of the house.

SuperHeroGirl, gifted with the natural talent of waterbending, pulled some water in from a nearby bathroom and brought sheets of it down upon the flames. It was highly effective, though the flames were still spreading rapidly. As she readied a new sheet, the flames caught up to her, and severely burned her upper arms and hands. She cried out as the sheet of water she was bending suddenly fell on top of the returning Zaphod, who then threw the water in his cup at the flames. Unfortunately his aim was poor, and it instead struck Deimos squarely in the face. Deimos returned the gesture by blasting Zaphod with the extinguisher and pushing him back down the stairs.

At this point, the flames had begun to consume the hallway. Suddenly, the sound of glass shattering alarmed the members desperately trying to put out the fires, and they turned to the windows in the hallway just in time to see large amounts of water rushing in through the windows. Everyone but McWeird managed to get out of the way as the water fell onto the flames, extinguishing all but one small ember. McWeird got to his feet, and, standing over the ember and pointing his extinguisher at it menacingly, said "Motherfucker," as he fired his extinguisher into the ember, finally ending the blaze.

The flames finally gone, the group turned to see who had bent all the water into the room. There they saw the formerly mythical housemate, Xicon, standing victoriously. They applauded and thanked him for saving their asses before quickly returning to their beds.

Between the flames and Xicon's heroism, nobody had noticed that Randoman had gone missing, or that someone had forcibly taken him from the scene and held him captive.

INTERPLOSION: THE FIRST UPRISING
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AzogAzaxAzazel

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Post Tue Jun 19, 2012 11:02 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

Badass Moment Award goes to McWeird for his "Motherfucker" comment

Edit: Consider this a sticky-note attached to it:
As the rest of the house-mates moved away from the destroyed remnants of the meth lab, Deimos frantically sifted through the ashes trying to find the batch of meth. Eventually, after like 2 whole minutes of searching, the usual stoic Aussie collapsed onto the soot covered ground and proceeded to sob at the loss of such a pure product. A shadow fell across him, turning his gaze upwards he saw Azog standing there, his lab-coat charred and scorched from the flames. "Don't worry," he said with a really cool science-y voice, "I saved it." He then held up a big baggie full of meth, and with a devilish grin on his face said, "If you want it, it's gonna cost you." Deimos then cried tears of Australian Manliness and purchased the bag of delicious narcotics. Normally this would've been a Kodak moment, but capturing a crying Aussie on film will get you killed 14 different ways.
All I can remember after I closed my eyes, was that first, it got real loud; then, it got real hot; then it got real slimy; then it got quiet; then it got.... unspeakable. And when I opened my eyes, the pool was empty, and three days had passed.
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Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Post Tue Jun 19, 2012 11:10 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

If I may make a small suggestion, adding "down the stairs" at the end of paragraph 6 might make for some extra mirth.
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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:36 am

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

Arthropods
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Deimos

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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 3:33 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

Aye, lost meth is one of the three things I would shed man tears for.
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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:43 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

INTERPLOSION: THE FIRST UPRISING
Chapter Listing:
Prologue
Chapter 1: Investigation
Chapter 2: Confrontation
Chapter 3: Conclusion, Part One
Chapter 3: Conclusion, Part Two

1 - Investigation

The following day, the mansion awoke slowly, burned out from the chaos the night before. Things had gotten pretty heated in the attic, and nobody was quite ready to get up and revisit that horror. To make matters worse, the narrator had already run out of fire-related puns to make. Eventually the housemates had all woken and were gathered around the breakfast table for a nice morning free from terrible puns.

The last to arrive was the newly non-mythical Xicon. He came down to breakfast and took a seat next to his lab partner before looking up and noticing that most of the other housemates were staring at him. He slowly lifted a piece of bacon to his mouth, hoping they would eventually stop staring. He was wrong, however, and their eyes continued to stare into his soul. The Slender Man was even mimicking his every move, lifting his own piece of bacon and biting down at the same time as Xicon. Noticing this, Xicon covertly twitched his fingers, and The Slender Man's glass of water spilled onto him.

The rest of the house exploded into applause, which further bewildered the former myth. He set down his bacon strip and said, "Okay. What the fuck is going on with you guys?"

Bob was the first to speak: "Dude, none of us knew you existed, and the first thing we see you do is put out a fire that was about to kill all of us. Forgive us a little hero worship."

"Lipstick," McWeird added, nodding sagely.

"So you're a waterbender. I guess that makes sense," Mari observed. Xicon raised an eyebrow in confusion. "...because you're blue... and water is... you know," she continued. He gave her an exasperated look, and then made a short motion with his hand. The water in her glass solidified into a snowball and zoomed out of the glass and struck her in the side of the head. Zaphod snorted water out of his nose as he cackled with glee.

"I knew he existed..." SuperHeroGirl chimed in, to confused glances. "Oh come on, who do you think had been doing the banners?" She pointed above the fireplace in the common room, where a banner reading "INTERPLOSION: Our Dicks Are Accent Marks" was hanging. Azog held up a finger and quickly finished chewing his biscuit.

"That reminds me, I meant to put this one up earlier." He clapped twice and the banner was replaced with one that said "All Hail Xicon".

"LOOK AT BANNER XICON!" Zaphod blurted out through a mouthful of eggs and bacon bits. As Deimos wiped the ejected foodstuffs from his face, Xicon stepped on Azog's foot from under the table and whispered into his ear. Nobody seemed to notice this - nobody, that is, except for Tod. More worryingly, nobody seemed to notice Rando's highly conspicuous absence. As people began to leave the table, Tod remained seated, waiting for Azog or Xicon to leave. Xicon left first, standing up and walking quickly back to the staircase rather than into the common room as the rest of them had. Azog remained, however, until only he and Tod were left.

They stared at each other for a few moments. As they continued, Azog appeared to grow more amused with each passing second. Tod, meanwhile, was beginning to feel very warm. Soon he was sweating, wiping his forehead with his napkin. Azog leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the edge of the table, sipping water from a twisted straw. Eventually Tod couldn't take the inexplicable heat and got up and walked off, using every ounce of his self control to avoid running as fast as he could to escape the heat.

Once he had gone, Azog stood up, calmly pushed the chair back under the table, and joined the rest of the housemates in the common room.

• • •

The room was dank and rank with the smell of earth. A small light bulb dangled above the floor, suspended from the dirt ceiling. In the corner, water dripped into a bucket. The room was silent except for the constant dripping.

In the center of the room, directly beneath the flickering light, sat Randoman. Tied to a chair, he had long since given up his struggle. It was as if the chair was somehow buried into the earth and immovable. In addition, the robes that bound him appeared to have been made out of metal, as he couldn't chew through them or break them despite his best efforts. He had ultimately decided simply to sit in silence, waiting.

The room began to shake, and the wall in front of Randoman slid downward into the floor, revealing a staircase behind it. As footsteps grew louder, a figure stepped into view. He was cloaked, and was wearing a custom made Masky mask to conceal his face. As he stepped directly in front of Rando, the wall behind him rose back out of the floor, and sealed the room once again with a colossal thud. He leaned forward, and whispered to Rando.

"Where is the muffin?"

Rando spat in his face, aiming well enough to get it through one of the mask's eyeholes. The figure reached up and wiped the fluid off his eye. Rando grinned. "That wasn't saliva."

"You little shit. You're going to make this more difficult than it needs to be." The figure reached into his cloak and pulled out a small black case. He opened it and pulled out a small metallic object that looked eerily similar to a bullet. He held it in his hand as he replaced the black case. "Now, let's do this again. Where is the muffin?"

"In my pants. Come get it."

The bullet rose into the air, hovering about an inch above the figure's palm. "Where is the muffin?"

Rando yawned. "If you're not gonna touch it, at least come sit on my lap."

The bullet quickly tore through the air, heading straight for Rando's arm at an incredibly high speed. It struck, but bounced right off and embedded itself in the wall. The figure turned back to look at Rando, who had a wide smirk on his face. An electronic alarm sound filled the room, soon replaced with a low humming noise.

"Energy shield, motherfucker."

The figure pulled his bullet out of the wall and saw that it was bent, and seemingly useless. He passed his left hand over it, and it repaired itself. As he placed it back into his black case, he said, "I'll admit, that's impressive technology. Surgical implant somewhere I assume?"

"I think you can guess where."

The figure's eyes dashed down to Rando's crotch for an instant, before resuming eye contact. "Your perversion remains predictable. But you've failed to notice a fairly important development."

Rando's smirk faded as he tried to think about what he had missed. The room was completely silent as the figure waited for Rando to work it out. Then it hit him.

"The water isn't dripping anymore..."

The figure chuckled softly, and with a quick motion of his hand, the wall had retracted into the floor once more, as a second figure walked down the steps. Rando recognized this one immediately once it stepped into the light, the wall rising out of the floor once more.

"I wasn't entirely sure you existed, Xicon."

"The rest of the mansion shares your confusion, but they don't seem to mind. They think I saved their asses last night by putting out the fire." Xicon walked over to the bucket and bent the water into a small vial strapped to his wrist. He then turned to the figure. "Did he talk?"

"No. He's got an energy shield generator embedded into his skin somewhere, so traditional methods of torture won't be very effective."

"Goddamn it. We'll have to wait for Azog to get here."

Rando scoffed. "It's not at all surprising that Azog's involved in this. So did you two intentionally blow up the meth lab to create a distraction while you kidnapped me?"

"If our plan is so unsurprising, why do you have to ask?"

"I have no intention of ever talking, and you can't torture me or kill me, so your efforts are worthless."

"I'm not so sure of that. Azog can be very persuasive. But before he gets here, how about you tell me what exactly the MacGuffin Muffin is."

"It's a source of great power and happiness, and is the heart of Interplosion. I won't let you meth heads get your hands on it. It would be wasted on you."

In a quick motion, Xicon lashed out at Rando with a whip of water that solidified into ice just before making contact with his face. Fortunately for the captive leader, the energy shield stopped the ice from causing damage, and it shattered worthlessly to the floor. Xicon grimaced as he replaced the water in his wrist vial.

"We will. In time."

He and the figure retreated back in the wall, leaving Rando alone in the room.

• • •

Tod was very careful to avoid Azog for the rest of the day. After lunch, he had seemed to vanish, so Tod felt safe entering the common room with the rest of the housemates. When he entered, roastbeef and Cryipto were engaged in a battle of wits.

"NUH UH!" Cryipto yelled.

"Fuck you," roast spoke calmly.

"NUH UH"

"Seriously, fuck you."

"NUH UH"

"Please, just shut the fuck up."

This went on for another ten minutes or so, so Tod busied himself in the other conversations. Zaphod was spouting absurdities ("Is it strange that I'm sexually attracted to muffins?"), SHG was informing McWeird about the many advantages of the Church of Andrew Hussie (McWeird seemed receptive, nodding slowly and stroking his chin as he said "Grasshoppers."), and Deimos was sharpening his impressive collection of knives. Tod walked up to SHG and McWeird.

"I need to talk to you. Care to join me over in room 2?"

"In a minute," SHG responded, "I need to finish converting Cannor."

"Religion," McWeird mused.

"He can come too, just hurry." They walked over into the smaller, emptier room next to the common room, and shut the door behind them.

"What's up?"

"I think Azog and Xicon kidnapped Rando."

SHG restrained her laughter at the audacity of the suggestion enough to say, "What makes you say that?" In a whisper, she added: "I actually didn't notice Rando was missing..."

"PARKER! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS TRASH YOU'VE BEEN GIVING ME?" Tod and McWeird jumped at the sudden voice echoing through the room. SHG seemed unperturbed.

"Oh don't worry, that's just Nick yelling in his room. All the air vents converge there, so you can hear him in most rooms throughout the mansion."

"Ah. Well, anyway, didn't you notice at breakfast? When Azog unveiled that banner, Xicon kicked him under the table and then whispered something into his ear."

SHG seemed unconvinced. "I don't see how that means they kidnapped Rando."

"Where was Azog during the inferno? He wasn't anywhere near the fire, but it was his meth lab. And what was Xicon doing during the fire? He came in at the end, sure, but if he lived in the meth lab why did it take him so long to get there?"

"Those are good points, but I still don't think it's likely that they kidnapped him. What would they have to gain?"

Tod paused to consider this for a minute, but came up with nothing. "I'm not sure."

"I understand where you're coming from, but he did save the mansion, so I think we should cut them some slack for now." With that, SHG walked out of the room, leaving Tod and McWeird standing there.

"Papercuts," McWeird said. Tod rolled his eyes.

Zaphod came in from the common room. "ARE YOU GUYS HAVING SECRET MEETINGS WITHOUT ME?"

Tod rolled his eyes again. "I was just saying that I think Azog and Xicon kidnapped Rando. SHG doesn't believe me, but I'm pretty sure they did. I'm going to go search the meth lab for evidence. If I go missing, you two will have to stop them, okay?"

Zaphod started jumping with joy. "Oh holy shit yes a secret mission this is awesome!" Tod rolled his eyes for the third time, and grew concerned that they may start rolling on their own, and left the room before that could happen.

• • •

Tod entered the burned remains of the meth lab with great care. The singed floorboards could fall at any minute, so he had to be careful not to break them and fall into the floor below. By some miracle, most of the equipment had been well preserved, and in fact a lot of the product and reagents were safe as well. He began to investigate the shelves.

His background in chemistry meant that he knew the theory behind manufacturing meth, and was able to determine based on the various chemicals in the lab what each area was used for. He saw something that worried him, however. On one end of the lab tables was a large supply of red phosphorous, likely their whole supply. But next to a Bunsen burner and a pan lying on top of it was a small supply of it that had been spilled.

"They intentionally started the fire... but why? To create a diversion?"

The sound of slow clapping from the door made Tod turn around quickly. Standing in the doorway and slow clapping was Azog. "Nice detective work. A few more cases and you may be able to challenge Batman's title."

"So you did kidnap Rando. But why?"

"He's kept the MacGuffin Muffin of Interplosion a secret to himself for far too long. We plan to steal it and share it with the world. Is that so evil a cause?"

Tod didn't know what the MacGuffin Muffin was, but he knew Rando wouldn't keep something a secret from them without a very good reason. "You won't get away with this."

"Oh, but we already are getting away with it. There isn't much you can do to stop us at this point."

"I'll tell everyone."

Azog laughed maniacally. "You seem to be laboring under the delusion that you will be leaving this room while conscious. Let me assure you, Tod, that is not the case."

Tod's hand reached down slowly onto his belt, where he had strapped a few vials of nitrous oxide. It might be enough to ensure his escape if Azog inhaled enough of the stuff. "We'll see about that."

"I suppose we-" Tod cut Azog's sentence short as he grabbed the vials and tossed them all onto the ground at Azog's feet. Azog began to cough, and Tod made a mad dash for the door. He tripped over Azog, and scrambled through the hallway, turning the corner quickly. He had made it.

Heavy, quick footsteps behind him told him that he was wrong, however. He turned around to see Azog running toward him, and didn't notice the wall in front of him. He collided and fell to the ground as Azog stood over him.

"Well, I suppose technically you did leave the room while conscious. But no further." He raised one of his hands, and it began to glow blue. The heat from that morning returned, and Tod finally connected the dots.

"Firebender..."

Azog nodded, and grinned. "Lightning, bitch."

A bolt of lightning left Azog's fingers, and struck Tod just below the chest. The world went black, and everything became silent.
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McWeird007

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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:04 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

/applause
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Randoman

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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:05 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

I can't even. This is just so.
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MesserTod

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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:40 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

So I get screwed in the first chapter of this thing? Wow.

In all seriousness, this is exactly how it would have happened EXCEPT I would have cackled once I learned that Azog was a firebender. Other than that, this was pretty true to how I act.
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Post Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

MesserTod wrote:So I get screwed in the first chapter of this thing? Wow.

In all seriousness, this is exactly how it would have happened EXCEPT I would have cackled once I learned that Azog was a firebender. Other than that, this was pretty true to how I act.


Well, to be fair, you're also the only one intelligent enough to realize that we kidnapped him. And I'd wait for subsequent chapters. hint hint
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Deimos

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Post Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:22 am

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

I have the weirdest erection.
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The Slender Man

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Post Thu Jun 21, 2012 6:36 am

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

All I can say is, I want a revolver when I appear next.
And this is the greatest thing ever written.

Also egg macguffin
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AzogAzaxAzazel

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Post Thu Jun 21, 2012 7:37 am

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

Lightning, bitch
All I can remember after I closed my eyes, was that first, it got real loud; then, it got real hot; then it got real slimy; then it got quiet; then it got.... unspeakable. And when I opened my eyes, the pool was empty, and three days had passed.
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N7oler101MC

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Post Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:45 am

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

This is something glorious.
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The Slender Man

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Post Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:24 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

I eat bacon like a boss.
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Riovas

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Post Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:00 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

wow, probably the greatest thing ever on this board. I was late to a meeting reading all of this. Worth it.
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AzogAzaxAzazel

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Post Fri Jun 22, 2012 12:27 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

Everyone should bully Rando into making this a comic
All I can remember after I closed my eyes, was that first, it got real loud; then, it got real hot; then it got real slimy; then it got quiet; then it got.... unspeakable. And when I opened my eyes, the pool was empty, and three days had passed.
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Dawnkitty7

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Post Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:15 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

This is absolutely amazing. I wanna draw this now...
CHEEZBURGERS
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Post Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:17 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

INTERPLOSION: THE FIRST UPRISING
Chapter Listing:
Prologue
Chapter 1: Investigation
Chapter 2: Confrontation
Chapter 3: Conclusion, Part One
Chapter 3: Conclusion, Part Two

2 - Confrontation

The world faded slowly back into view. He wasn't in the hallway anymore. What had happened?

The memories came flooding back suddenly. He had discovered that Azog and Xicon had kidnapped Rando. Then... he had thrown laughing gas at Azog in the hopes of making an escape. It had worked, too, until Azog caught up. And then...

That's right. Azog was a firebender, and had shot him with a bolt of lightning. At that thought, he started laughing.

"Shut him up, please." Whose voice was that? He didn't recognize it. What he did recognize was the familiar feeling of inexplicable heat enveloping his head. It had the opposite effect of what Azog, who Tod now realized was standing above him, intended; he started laughing harder.

Lifting his head upward, he saw Xicon approaching and bending water out of a small vial attached to his wrist. It formed a somewhat dagger like shape, and then suddenly froze, becoming a solid, needle-thin weapon. Xicon slashed at Tod's cheek, and the pain stopped his laughter for a moment at least. "There's some scrap metal in the corner. Bend me one of those Hannibal Lecter masks, please." Xicon held his icy blade at Tod's throat as the third man set about bending. Tod was further amused by this, but decided not to laugh for fear of causing unnecessary pain due to the massive gash in his cheek.

The third figure returned and affixed the mask to Tod's face. He noticed that the blades on the mouthguard were turned away from his mouth, so he could still speak.

"He shot me. With LIGHTNING. How the fuck did I survive that?"

Xicon returned his icy spear into the small vial on his wrist before speaking. "You wouldn't have," he said as he approached Tod, the water once again bending out of the vial. It formed a small puddle on his cheek, and Xicon placed his hand there. A warm sensation spread across the gash, and Xicon removed his hand and bent the water back into the vial. The gash was gone, and Tod understood how he had survived.

"Why keep me alive?"

"Why kill you? We're not doing this out of greed or ambition. We're just tired of Rando guarding what is apparently the greatest source of power and happiness in the world for himself; we want to give it to the people, like we said."

"Yeah, I know you said that, and I hope you know that I still believe it's bullshit."

Azog laughed at that. "Feel free. I just hope you know that we're still keeping you locked in here. Don't worry, though, Rando's right next door. Here, we'll even give you a window so you two can talk to each other." The third man made a motion with his arm, and a part of the wall - which Tod now realized was made of dirt - vanished, revealing Rando strapped to a chair in the other room. "As an added bonus, you get to watch this next part."

The three benders stepped through the window into Rando's room. Tod tried to follow, but found that his foot was chained to a small metallic fixture in the center of his own room. 'Well that's demeaning,' he thought to himself.

Azog stood in front of Rando. "So. An energy shield. I'll admit that's pretty clever. For you." Rando didn't speak or acknowledge that Azog had spoken. "Fortunately, we have ways around that." Tod saw Azog's hands begin to glow blue once again, and he knew what was coming.

Azog shot a bolt of lightning straight at Rando's face. Naturally, he was unharmed, but once again the energy shield was beeping rapidly as it was vulnerable before it recharged. Azog signaled the third man, who placed his hand on Rando with somewhat great force. He took it back off as the shields began to recharge.

"What the hell was all that about?" Rando asked.

"It's right here," the third man said, pointing to the back of Rando's neck. Azog nodded, and moved behind the chair. His hands once again began to glow blue and spark. He placed a finger on the spot the third man had pointed to, and sparks began to fly out of the spot where they touched. The energy shield dropped, and then the beeping began. Then suddenly it stopped, and there was silence. The third man made a motion with his fingers, and a small metallic object came flying out of the back of Rando's neck, causing him to yell out in pain. Xicon took over, bending a large quantity of water from the bucket in the corner of Rando's room and filling the wound on the back of Rando's neck with water before placing his hand there. When he removed it, the water and the wound were both gone.

"Well, that was painless. For us," Xicon chuckled. "You ready to talk now?"

"I said I had no intentions of talking, and that hasn't changed yet."

"Yet? Well good! Then we've established you will eventually talk, it's just a matter of when," Azog pointed out with maniacal glee.

Rando suddenly cried out in pain, however, as he hadn't noticed the third figure pulling out his bullets again, nor sending it flying into his right calf. He looked over to Xicon, who wasn't moving. "Are you just going to let that stay inside me?" Xicon motioned to the third figure, who, with a flick of his fingers, pulled the bullet out of the wound, eliciting another scream from Rando. Xicon then walked up to Rando's calf, and bent out water from his vial. Instead of healing Rando's leg, he slashed it across his shirt, scraping his chest in the process.

"God dommot thos wos o good short," Rando managed to say through the pain.

"I think that's good enough for today. Perhaps tomorrow he'll be ready to talk." With that, Xicon strode off past the lowered wall and up the stairs. The other two followed shortly after, leaving Rando and Tod imprisoned.

• • •

TWENTY NINE DAYS LATER

The common room was unusually busy as various conversations were taking place. Deimos and Mari were engaged in a rare discussion about various Metal Gear Solid characters (and though he may deny it, the discussion of Snake Eater brought a single manly tear to the Australian's eye). SuperHeroGirl was seated very precariously, trying desperately not to move her badly burned arms more than necessary (even though they were healing, they were still immensely painful). Zaphod, bob and McWeird sat in a corner, swapping Arrested Development quotes rather than actually conversing.

The conversation quickly quieted, however, upon the entrance of several housemates. Riovas, Dawnkitty, and N7 all entered the room within a short, five minute period. That any one of them had made an appearance was cause for celebration, as all three had intermittent attendance at best, but all three at the same time was damn near mythical. N7 was wearing his "Official Punching Bag" shirt, which led the rest of the room to give him a customary punch to the arm. Rio was sharing plans for a proposed expansion to the Interplosion Mansion which would allow for an Olympic size swimming pool. Dawn shared new pieces of art to hang in the hallways. Overall it was one of the more active days the mansion had had in a good while.

In the absence of Rando and in SHG's injured state, Azog and Xicon were able to exert a mostly indisputable rule over the mansion. While they had not established total dominion quite yet, there were clear indicators that they were slowly establishing a totalitarian regime. The cult of Andrew Hussie that included at least three members at the time of Tod's kidnapping, and had grown to around seven in the subsequent week, had been outlawed under penalty of banishment from the house. Sunday nights had become nearly religious rituals involving the viewing of the new Game of Thrones episodes. All pop culture consumption had to be approved by a committee consisting only of those two. Things were becoming downright dictatorial, but gradually. And yet, few people seemed to notice this.

But Tod's absence WAS noted by many people, and none more so than Zaphod and McWeird.

McWeird nudged Zaphod on the shoulder and said, "Germany." Zaphod nodded, understanding right away. It had been nearly a month since Tod's disappearance.

"I know he didn't come back, but what are we supposed to do?" he whispered, trying to keep it between them. But as bob was literally two feet from him, and Zaphod absolutely sucked at whispering, he heard.

"What are you supposed to do about what?" bob asked.

"Well, Tod told us that he suspected Azog and Xicon had kidnapped Rando. So he was going to investigate, and told us that if he didn't come back, we'd know he was also kidnapped by them."

"Peanuts," McWeird noted.

"Why would they -" bob started, but Zaphod shook his head.

"He didn't know, and I don't really know either."

"Muffin."

"Well we have to do something about this. We can't let them hold two housemates captive," bob said.

"True, but nor can we hope to combat them on our own. Xicon can do that water thingy, and probably freeze us or something." Zaphod stroked his imaginary beard in thought. "What if we called a meeting of the whole house under the pretense of discussing the disappearances, and then accuse them in front of everybody?"

Bob nodded. "That would work. We need to do it soon though. Tonight would be best."

Zaphod nodded in agreement. "Muffin," McWeird commented again, with a hint of exasperation in his voice. Zaphod ignored him and walked over to the conveniently placed microphone on the wall. He picked it up and began talking into it.

"Attention housemates. A general meeting has been called for this evening regarding the disappearance of Rando and Tod. Be in the common room tonight at 9 PM. Thank you."

"HEY AMPHIBIAN DICK!" a voice yelled through the air vents.

"Yes Nick?"

"Do I have to be there in person? I'm still recovering from last night's PPP."

"As long as you can hear us in here, no."

"Well that's fucking wonderful."

Zaphod put the microphone back and gave a knowing glance to bob and McWeird, who responded with, "Mayans."

• • •

The dungeon-like room in which Tod and Rando were kept had only become more filthy and disgusting in the month they had been held captive there. As much as the narrator would love to avoid a reference to the ways they had been avoiding sitting in their own excrement, such a reference was ultimately necessary. While Tod was fortunate enough to be mostly mobile and was thus able to excrete in a corner, Rando was chained to his chair perpetually, and as such was more shit than man by this point.

"Tod. Hey, Tod."

Tod stirred, and woke from his sleep (dangerously close to his excrement pile). He walked as close to the window as his ankle-chain would allow. "What?"

"What's your plan to get out of here?" Rando was looking down at his feet, but Tod saw his eyes darting around the room, scanning.

"I don't have one."

"Bullshit, you've had one since the day after they put you in here. What are you waiting for?"

Tod was surprised that Rando had been so observant when chained to a chair and sitting in his own shit. "Before Azog caught me and brought me down here, I told Zaphod and McWeird what I was doing so that they'd know Azog and Xicon were guilty in case I went missing. I'm not sure what they plan to do with it, but eventually, either they will show up down here, or they'll tell everybody else."

"And then what?"

"And then Azog and Xicon will have nowhere to hide, but in here."

"So?"

Tod didn't respond. Instead, he just rubbed his fingers on a small vial that was in his pocket. The vial was labeled "HF".

• • •

It was fast approaching 9:00. Most people had retreated back to their rooms, but Zaphod and bob had decided to search the upper floor for evidence of Xicon and Azog's treachery. Fearing that the same fate that befell Tod would befall them, they walked the halls back to back, watching both ends for approaching housemates.

The singed remains of the meth lab had become far more decrepit in the month since its explosion. The floorboards creaked as they walked over them, causing Zaphod to jump on seven separate occasions. The smell of burning lab equipment had never quite faded, so they were both holding their noses. The sound of footsteps rapidly approaching came from around the corner behind them, so they started running faster. They made it around the corner and turned back to peek at what was pursuing them, catching sight of only a large black cat. They breathed sighs of relief as they continued walking down the hallway.

"You know if we get caught here, we're pretty much dead." Bob's voice was unusually grave.

"Yeah, I know. But we won't. It's Sunday night."

Bob stared at Zaphod. "That's all the more reason we WILL get caught. They'll be wondering where we are and why we aren't at the viewing ritual, and they'll come investigate."

"No, they'll be too busy recapping to come and find us. But we need to hurry, so let's not debate any longer." Bob nodded in agreement and they moved down the hallway, pausing at the end.

"Look there," bob said, pointing to a singed bit of carpet. "What happened there?"

Zaphod looked puzzled. "I'm not sure. But I think I know what we can do with this."

• • •

As the clock struck 9, everybody was gathered into the common room. Xicon and Azog sat on the raised edge of the fireplace, as the chairs around the room had been filled with the room's regular members at this hour. They were visibly annoyed, as they were going to have to catch the Game of Thrones episode they were missing at 11 rather than at 9. The rest of the room seemed mostly content. As Zaphod stood up to speak, the sound of wood clattering against the walls of an air vent filled the room, soon followed by a loud clang as the vent cover smashed to the ground.

In its place was a puppet suspended in air by strings leading into the vent. He was dressed as a stereotypical Mexican, with a serape, a sombrero, and a comically oversized moustache. "I am Major Moustachio," Nick's voice said through the puppet, "and I will be Nick's surrogate for this evening." The puppet then began to dance.

Zaphod nodded and then began to speak. "So I take it you've all noticed that Randoman and MesserTod have been missing for the past month." There was a general murmuring of agreement, with a few people who admittedly had not noticed their absence. "I've called this meeting tonight, because I believe that bob, McWeird and I have found the reasons behind their disappearance." The room fell silent. All eyes were on Zaphod. He paused.

"Get on with it, amphibian dick." Major Moustachio was not pleased, and performed a dance of displeasure.

"Birthday," McWeird added.

"Zaphod, are you talking about what Tod was saying?" SHG asked candidly.

"Yes, SHG, I am talking about that." Out of the corner of his eye, Zaphod watched Azog and Xicon, looking for a sign of discomfort. Both of them sat perfectly still, and even looked rather amused. "Before Tod's disappearance, he pulled SHG and McWeird aside. I later entered the conversation, and he told us his concerns regarding Rando's disappearance." He turned to Azog and Xicon.

"Tod was convinced that Azog and Xicon had kidnapped Rando. Hours later, he disappeared." The whole room turned to stare at Azog and Xicon.

Deimos burst out laughing. "You're out of your goddamn mind, frog. Why would they need to kidnap Rando of all people?" Rio, Mari, and Dawn seemed to share Deimos' opinion.

"Well, I don't know, it makes sense to me," roastbeef added. "They were always somewhat at odds. And I can't be the only who's noticed the changes around here in the past month." The room did agree on that.

"It seems like such a superficial reason to kidnap him though. And we shouldn't forget that he DID save our lives," Riovas contributed. "The whole mansion would be gone, and we definitely wouldn't be getting an Olympic swimming pool."

The discussion continued, but Zaphod made eye contact with Xicon and Azog throughout. Both of them had twisted their faces into cold sneers. This concerned the amphibious detective. "Guys, calm down. We have evidence." Zaphod pulled out the burned piece of carpet. "This is a sample of the carpet where Azog captured Tod. It's singed... because Azog is a firebender."

Azog began to laugh. "Brilliant detective work there, Zaphod. Although I'm interested to know how you worked out that I was a firebender."

Zaphod smiled. "I didn't. It was a wild guess, but thanks for the confirmation."

Azog stopped laughing, but nodded approvingly. It was well played. The room itself was completely silent. Nobody moved. Xicon reached beside him, picked up his cup of tea, and drank deeply from it before standing up slowly.

"Azog was right. That was impressive detective work, my amphibious friend." He walked over to the window. "My only question is what exactly you intend to do."

Azog began laughing maniacally. "Did you think you could just knock on our door, and shoot us when we opened the door, so to speak? That you could catch us off guard? Ha. You don't understand, silly. WE are the ones who knock."

Xicon pushed aside the curtain blocking the window. The light of the moon illuminated the room. "It's a lovely moon out, tonight. Why don't you come take a look at it, Zaphod?"

But Zaphod didn't move. More importantly, he couldn't move. He wanted to move, he wanted to run at Xicon and tackle him to the ground, but he couldn't. He was rooted to the ground.

"What's wrong, Zaphod? Has your..." - Xicon paused dramatically - "...blood... run cold?" He smirked as he watched all the eyes in the room make the sudden realization."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING DOWN THERE? GET HIS ASS AND THEN BRING ME A COFFEE!" Major Moustachio yelled. Azog made a short, sharp throwing motion, and a ball of fire from the fireplace shot out and ignited Major Moustachio. Azog twirled his finger and the flames raced up the strings and singed Nick's hand, eliciting a scream heard all across the house.

"Your detective work was in vain, I am afraid. There's not much you can do to stop us." With that, Xicon clapped twice, and the floor beneath then suddenly dropped, revealing a small chamber beneath the fireplace. They stepped out of the way, and the floor rose back up, covering the chamber.

Everybody in the room felt the hold on them lift. There was only silence, however, silence that was not broken until McWeird spoke up: "Fucked."

• • •

"Goddamn it all to hell. We're missing Regards, Azog. REGARDS. YOU KNOW WHAT EPISODE THAT IS." The rage in Xicon's voice was in stark contrast to the calm, villainous tone he had kept in the common room during the accusation.

"I know. There isn't much we can do, though. They had us figured out and were smart enough to confront us in front of the whole house."

"We're stuck down here, now. We're going to have to figure out a way to get the muffin that involves distracting all of them. Goddamn it, this complicates things."

"Let's focus on breaking Rando, first." Azog stepped through the now-lowered wall to find the figure already standing in the room with Rando. Xicon shortly followed.

"Well, you little shit," he yelled over to Tod. "Your little gambit with Zaphod worked. Looks like you guys get us for company now." He turned his attention back to Rando.

Tod, however, smiled widely. His fingers slipped the small vial labeled "HF" out of his pocket.

TO BE CONCLUDED IN: Chapter 3: Conclusion!
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Post Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:39 pm

Re: Interplosion: The First Uprising

Knock knock
Who's there?
/lightning to the face
All I can remember after I closed my eyes, was that first, it got real loud; then, it got real hot; then it got real slimy; then it got quiet; then it got.... unspeakable. And when I opened my eyes, the pool was empty, and three days had passed.
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