The Author – Hi people, I don't own Harry Potter and Telletubbies, but I think J. K. Rwling must think about doing a crossover. It would be very cool!
Cool is one word to describe it. I personally would use the word “Wrong.”
Severus Snape, Professor and Lover
Yes that is the name. Yes, it all goes down hill from here. No, I am not apologizing, you clicked the damn thread.
Severus Snape was very sad. He was not having many pleasures doing lectues and teaching stuents anymore. All those adventures happening at Hogwarts sucked the inner life from his bones...and he had nothing more to accomplish. He went to Dumbledor:
Seems a bit odd that Snape enjoyed teaching to the degree that ComicsNix is implying here.
"Heaadmastet, I want to be expelled, I don't have what it takes to teach anymoire."
Dumbledore was puzzled:
"But Snepa, you are my best professor, you can't go and waste the knowlegde you have!"
"Oh Dumbledore...I'm so sad." said Snape putting the back of his hand on his forehead.
Dumbledor, the powerful and wiseful magus he wwas thought a solution:
"Okay Snape, I'll transfer you to another place, somewhere calm where you will help good creatures that have n o parents."
For a minute there, I was wondering how the Teletubbies would be introduced. Guess that answers that.
Snape got greatful thatDumblerdo understood his feelings and pushed him to place less onerous to his advancing age.
Snape took a train and after days, finally reached an colorful and wonderful place. It was the Tubbydome Supertronic, the place of dwee]lling of his new students. He reached there, and a periscophe welcomed him:
"Profwssor Snape, you arrived! The students waits you in the classroom."
For some reason, given what I can recall about Teletubbies, the astounding amount of spelling errors seems fitting... and that scares me to no end.
Snape was still sad, but his powerful stomach got chills, because the mystery of novelty aproacches his comfort zone.
I don’t want someone describing Snape’s stomach as powerful. Because I find it wrong for reasons that are unknown to me.
When Snape entered the classroom, four color creatues were there seatting on the chairs. They said to Snape:
"Eh-Oh!" and Snape smilled, feeling his heart get full of ingnominous passion.
"Alright dear students, today, you will learn potion making."
I certainly hope that “potion making” isn’t some deranged way of saying “how to have sex.”
"No, we want to learn how to be adult!" cried the four Teletubbies. They had live for many long inside that perfect bubble, only experimenting the baby joys of youth. But every day was equal to them, not really happened at their house and life was boring.
Oh boy, I think we’ve reached the start of the soul-crushing.
When Snape arrive, a flash of hope filled their hearts with the promisse of life beyond the perfect prison they got trapped whne they got born. Only that dark robbed and pale skinned man can save the babies from this terrible fate.
"But kids," said Seevrus "I must acomplish the curriculum!"
"Oh professor, I'm dying from inside, don't let the evil periscophe suck the last remnants of humanity locked in my so fatal brokened heart" saaid the yellow Teletubbie, Laa-Laa, with a sensive voice, calling for a strong man to free her mind...her body.
Yep, definitely reached the start of the soul-crushing. By the way, this is Laa-Laa:
That is the thing that wants Snape to “free her mind... and body”
Snape looked her, and felt somethnig funny inside his pelvis. It was a long time since the last time he shared a intimacy filled momnet with a woman. Snape was starting to break:
"But Teletubbies...if the periscophe woman watches us...how can we have privacy?"
To recap: Snape is actually considering having sex with a Teletubby to the point that he is concerned about a lack of privacy.
The purple leader, Tinky Winky, got up and uttered with his powerful throat:
"I have a secret place professor. We can learn there and free ouselves from the bounds of madness that others inflicted upon us!" said him hitting his chest with a clench hands.
Update: One of the Teletubbies, seemingly in preparation for the time when they needed a private place to be taught how to fuck has discovered or built a secret place for this very purpose.
Snpae looked down, thought, and followed the purple leader. They opened a secret door inside their house, a door leading to the basement.
The place was full of rats and cockroaches. Water infiltrated the place and mold smell was present in dangerous quantities. A lot of earth and dirty was covering the place, and a hole in the wall could be seen.
Romance is in the air. Either that, or ComicsNix decided to make the place resemble the awfulness of the fact that, and I feel this needs to be repeated as often as possible, Snape and the Teletubbies will be fucking.
"You are making a hole?"
“If so, do you want me to stick my penis in it?”
"Yes Snape," said Tinky Winky, "we must escape, so we are creating a exit route to get out of the evil crunchs of the woman periscophe."
"Oh, I must help you Teletubbies."
“With my penis”
"Prodfessor" said Laa-Laa, "first, teach us how to adult!"
Oh god... it’s starting.
Snape nooded in agreement. He, wth his wondrous magic wand created a giant bed, and some wine and cheese to acompany this iluustrious wisdom moment.
Snape just conjured wine and cheese to accompany the “illustrious wisdom moment” that will be him teaching the goddamn Teletubbies HOW TO FUCK.
"Teletubbies, lay her with me, I'll teach you how to be a man. Oh, but you Poo, aren't ready yet. You are too young baby. Stay here in the corner and play with you small hose." and Poo got sad, but neverthless, he did what Snpe said and watched the others while they got teached.
Snape just told a Teletubby, that it was too young to learn how to fuck and to go sit in the corner and masturbate. I’m secretly dead and this is my own personal hell, isn’t it?
"So" said Snap, "Laa-Laa, you make a pair with me. Tinky-Winky, you go with Dipsy. Watch me while I play with Laa-Laa and mimic my movements. This way you will learn."
GODDAMMIT JUST GET TO THE FUCKING AND STOP MAKING THIS SO PAINFUL
Snape them got on his kness and looked at the layied Laa-Laa. She was sweatting a bit.
"Don't be afraid small yellow girl, just spread your legs." and she did. An engorged vagina shine at her crotch, but it was full of cotton yellow pubic hair. Snape picked up a scissor and cut it.
The idea of an “engorged [Teletubby] vagina [that] shine[s] at her crotch” will haunt me for the rest of my life.
"Snape" said Dipsy "Tinky Winky have no crotch mouth, but a very strange tongue. It's filled with purple wrinkled skin!"
The amount of things wrong with calling a vagina a “crotch mouth” is nigh-infinite. The amount of things wrong with describing a dick as “a very strange tongue filled with purple wrinkled skin” is beyond the concept of infinite.
"Oh Dispy, he don't have crotch mouth. But behind him, you will find a pork's eye. Don't be afraid, it's dirty, but after a while you will like the fine flavor of melted chocolate covering your lips."
Oh. My. God. Not only did Snape call Tinky Winky’s asshole a “pork’s eye,” but he also just told Dipsy that “after a while you will like the fine flavor of melted chocolate covering your lips” WHICH MEANS HE IS TALKING ABOUT TINKY WINKY’S SHIT!!
Dipsy turned Tinky Winky, and the purple Telletubbie revealed his deep purple anal hole.
"What I do?" asked Dipsy.
Run. Run far away Dipsy. Run far from this place and tell your story.
"The same I will do with Laa-Laa, don't be afriad. Tinky Winky will scream and moan, but you must go on. " said Snape with a calm and softfull deep voice.
In case any of you aren’t understanding what’s about to happen, Dipsy is about to give Tinky Winky a rimjob. BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT SO DO YOU.
"Oh professor" said Laa-Laa with a moaning lustful voise, "I think I peed myself. I'm feeling moist."
"No Laa-Laa, you not pee. You only are happy that I'm here."
I don’t think anyone is happy that you’re here.
This line should not have made me laugh as hard as it did.
"Yes. Now...suck my index finger" and she did.
And Snape unclothed himself. His pale shiny penis appeared and all of the Teletubbies got impressed. His nut sack was very white and hairy and exhalled a snake oil parfum essence. Laa-Laa felt a jolt of pleusre down her antenna.
You are now picturing Alan Rickman’s penis as “shiny” and his scrotum is “white and hairy and exhaled a snake oil perfume essence” SNAPE’S SAC SMELLS LIKE SNAKE OIL PERFUME ESSENCE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"Now boys, do as I do" and them, Snape introducted his wizard wondrous penis inside Laa-Laa. She screamed:
No penis should ever be described as a “wonderous wizard penis” WHEN IT’S BEING INSERTED INTO A GODDAMN TELETUBBY!
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" and a flush of yellow blood got expelled from her now broken hymen. The yeloow blood covered Snake, and he rubbed himself with that sticky liquid.
Snape is now rubbing Laa-Laa’s yellow blood all over himself. What nightmare have I been trapped in?
"Prodessor" moaned loudly Laa-Laa, "isn't this wrong? I'm feeling so dirty."
"No Laa-Laa, don't be ashamed. When you bit the forbidden fruit, the knowlegde will fullfil you inner most desires. Be my Eve!" and Snape punch her uterus with his roquefort penis. The Teletubbie girl moans more and smilles her face.
There’s something to be said about someone that while taking someone’s virginity, they ask them to “be their Eve” and then goes about punching their partner’s uterus with their penis.
Dipsy do the same on Tinky Wonky, puncturing the purple asshole with the green penis he is so proud of. Tinky Winky screams:
Hey. Wait a minute. Just a few minutes ago, or hours if you stopped to take screaming breaks like me, Snape was telling Dipsy that he’ll enjoy the taste of melted chocolate on his lips in context of Tinky Winky’s asshole, which implied a rimjob... WHY AM I CONCERNED THAT THE “PROMISED” RIMJOB WAS NOT MENTIONED!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"AAAAHHHH! You hurts me my dear friend! Stop, I cannot withstand your protuberant obelisk of delectation!"
Azog FFF band name #85: “Protuberant Obelisk of Delectation”
"I can't" said Dipsy with a condensending voice "professor said I must go on with our journey throughout the steps towards a greater understanding about our true nature as alienated species from our parenthood."
WHAT IN THE FUCK!? This is a piece of “writing” that talks about Snape teaching the Teletubies how to fuck. Don’t try to somehow make this into a philosophical understanding of the sexually repressed Teletubbies and oh my god I’M ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND IT AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"Tinky Winky was suffering the destiny of those under the yoke of their own expectations. But Snape was wise and appealed:
"Dipsy, use your bodly fluids to appease the sorrow of your roost companion."
What the hell is a roost companion? Seriously, I cannot interpret what it’s supposed to mean. Either that, or my brain is preventing me from understanding it so I don’t murder all of humanity.
Dipsy them spit on his hand an immense gob of putrid mucus. It was green as his body and full of dancing crawlers that were enjoying the hot abode that was his nostrils. Dipsy covered his fluffy hard penis with it and penetrated Tinky Winky again. This time, the purple one enjoyied.
No joke here. That almost made me vomit.
Snape was funcking hard Laa-Laa. A lot of yellow blood continued to get ot her defilled vaginal daisy. The pain hurted her much:
WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT A “defiled vaginal daisy”? WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.
"Profezro, It aches my skin and negates the maturation you unleash inside my sacred womb."
In what dark and twisted world is a Teletubbies womb considered “sacred?”
"Be calm my yelloew student. After a while, no pain can touch you. Wait the massage of gods." and she did. After a while, the orgasms started, and she had multiple ones. Her chest grew a pair of xanthous brests, and they lactated the nectar of the houses of holy.
WHAT IS GOING ON! WHY IS HAVING SEX WITH SNAPE CAUSING LAA-LAA TO GROW BREASTS!? AND WHAT IN THE UNHOLY NAME OF THIS FIC IS “The nectar of the houses of holy”
But she wasn't in her mature years yet, and her bowel controls were rudimentary. The orgasms unleashed a cataract of pappy hot shit thru her untouched lutelous anus. The slop of dung covered the bed and the smell was atroucious. The flow was so intense, globs of shit splashed at Snape's legs and hit his pale and sweet face.
"Ohhhhhh Laa-Laa" said Snape "finally, the cocoa honey bestow us with this feast of gormandized gut's contents!" and Snape rubbed his face with the black fetid hodge-podge ooze Laa-Laa vomited with her anus. It so was hot and disgusting that Snape vomited a mash of orange juice, bloody spaghetti and mama's chilli pepper over her lustful body. It reached Laa-Laa vagina and burned it and splashed all over her tummy. She rubbed the vomit all over her belly and breasts and swallowed a good portion of it.
Oh god. Is this what he meant about the melted chocolate? Was Snape planning this all along? Why must ComicsNix use such mind-scarring similies?
Laa-Laa is happy, she reached a new stage of illumination and now can let go her shame of being the mistress of a snake old man.
Dipsy took a portion of that hot boiling dung and deposited it inside Tinky-Winky's anus. Now, the penetration is complete. They are enjoying the most complete recollection of human's past lives as beings dipping inside their own bodly properties.
"Snape" said Laa-Laa, "can I penetrate you too?"
Snape got pensive. He never thought about something so insulting to his manhood, but the pleasure was so insane, he nooded with a moan:
Swear to god, if Laa-laa pulls out a strap-on....
"Yeeeeesssssss" and Laa-Laa prepared her finger full of vomit and macaroni strings. She moved slowly her index finger and prepared to penetrated it...and she did! The finger entered Snape left nostril and started to fuck it. She was fast and didn't want to lose time.
Oh. I see. Now there’s nostril sex. Huh.
As Laa-Laa fucked Snape's nose, the vomit in her nails entered it and he breathed it. He gaged and coughed the bloody puke and it hit Laa-Laa's eyes, but she laughed.
What deranged madness is this.
Laa-Laa them put her other index finger inside the other Snape nostril, and he felt the pleasure more intense. Laa-Laa's tits lactated like no other in the world, like a fountain of milk and passionate dung. The milk and shit shower was so intense it reached Poo, that was at a corner masturbating to the whole scene. He drink the shitty covered milk and peed himself in pleasure. Even a small Telletubie have the right to fell the magnificent joy of the motherly nourishment coming from his sister's breasts.
Oh my god. It just doesn’t stop.
Now, Snape is ready to cum. He grabs his penis and fell the throobing coming...and them...the cum-tastic delight goes out of his powerful snake hose and fills Laa-Laa's small vagina with a gorgeous and thunderstriking goo that overflows her and wash the last pureness that yellow and sexy body had one day.
The mere notion that there was ever any sexiness to Laa-Laa makes me want to introduce everything to the buisness end of a shotgun. Just. Everything.
She cums too, and now, she is a complete fl, a yelow and tasty alien woman girl with nice and softly cotton breasts. Her Telletubbie body got gorugeously tasty an even her brothers think she is delicious now that she have breasts.
Oh my god. Apparenlty when Teletubbies have sex, they like, instantly go through a physical metamorphosis....
Dipsy cums inside Tinky Winky too, and the two cotton alien boys now discover what it takes to make a real action hero.
What the fuck does that mean? “To make a real action hero.” What. The. Fuck.
"Boys" said Snape "you have graduated. You now are full fledged mature and responsible adults. You can take care of your own butts and do with it all you deserve."
Remember kids: Sex makes you an adult instantly
Poo was a little sad, but she know her time will come.
I smell a seeeeeqquueeelllll!! Oh. Wait. That’s just the copious amounts of vomit and shit. Oh well, at least it’s over-
"Snape" said Tinky Winky rubbing his cum covered and hurting ass "We must escape, the perischope woman is already searching for us, because we haven't returned to sleep."
[qupte]"Okay Tinky-Winky, you lead the way" and the Telletubbies and Snape followeed Tinky-Winky's down the hole they excavated. The cave was very dark and long, but Snape used his wand to iluminate the way.[/quote]
Why is it continuing? Why is this happening. It’s over. They became adults... Why are you going on with this.
As they walked, down the cave, a light at the end of the tunnel was near, and they raced towards it. But someone was expecting them. A figure was facing the cave, with his back turned against the light out of the tunnel.
The story is over ComicsNix. Stop. Please.
"You shall not pass." said the voice
"Who are you?" askjed Snape
Swear to god, if Gandalf starts fucking the Teletubbies....
"I'm very disappointed with you Snape. I thought you had a rocky shadow heart. But it seems I'm wrong. It was a mistake sending you here to placate these little rainbow bastards. A mistake I'm going to correct."
Looks like shit’s about to go down. OH GOD WHY DID I DO THAT TO MYSELF
"Wait, I know that voice...it's-" and them, the figure emerges from the light, create a flowing flame around him, and his face is revealed. It's Dumbledore!
"No! You!" shouted Snpae.
"Why do you want with the Telletubbies?"
"Oh, you don't know? They are Death Eaters Snape! We must kill them!"
"Death Eaters? That's impossible!"
I have to agree, since Snape would’ve seen them at the annual Death Eater Vomit N’ Shit Orgy... Oh. Wait...
"No..." said Tinky-Winky "it's true. We worked to Voldermot."
Snape got awed:
“We were bored one summer.”
"Voldermort promissed that he would free our homeland from the dementors horde invasion. But, as we worked for him and infiltrated inside the Hogwarts, Dumbledore caught us. Now he absorbs our energies to fuel his mecha-bulldozer that-"
Wait. What. Mecha bulldozer fueled by Teletubby magic? Keep going. Please. This actually sounds awesome.
"Shut the fuck up!" cried Dumbledore. "You now will die!"
No, Albus, shut up for a minute I want to hear more about this mecha bulldozer.
"No, I will not permit!" said Snape. He created a strong bound with those aliens, and he can't let them die, even if they are working for the enemy.
Well, like they say, keep your friends close, and your enemies’ vomit-covered fingers inside your nostrils. Or something.
"So" said Dumbledor "you will die too!" and Dumbledore invoke the killing speel from his wand. But them, Yinky-Winky, from the bottom of his purse, pulled out a Colt 45 Revolver and shoot Dumbledore, but the wizard deflected the bullet.
Gotta give Tinky Winky the credit for having the common sense to bring a gun with them while escaping.
"HA, you cannot kill me!"
No. But Snape can. ZING!
"Snape, go, save the Telletubbies, I'll buy you time!" cried Tikny-Winky.
"No!" shout Laa-Laa "we can't let you die here!"
"But you must, our he will kill us all and no one will can save our homeland!" and the Tinky-Winky advanced in the Dumbledore's direction shooting rapid bullets at him.
Why has this story suddenly taken a turn for the awesome? I am scared by this.
Snape used his wand and started to drill a hole in the cave, circumventing the vicious battle happening near the entrance. Snape and the Telletubbies managed to drill another hole out some feet awya from the confrontation and gotout of the cave. They raced away from it, and at some distance, they saw Tinky-Winky shooting Dumbledore:
"Dubledor!" cried Tinky-Wink. He picked a hand grenade, pulled the pin, threw it at Dumbledore and shout "Die BASTAAAAAAAARD!"
Wow. Way to be a big damn hero. Too bad the only other “achievement” in your life was getting buttfucked by your fuzzy green friend.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" and the cave exploded, lauching debris all over the place.
"Fast Telletubbies," said Snape "HIDE!" and they did. A lot of rock felt from the sky and fumes and dust covered everywhere.
"Tinky-Winkyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" cried the three Telletubbies, and Laa-Laa tried to run and find her purple brother, but Snape prevented:
And so, Laa-Laa made it her mission in life to exact her vengeance. Rambo-style.
"No, you can't! This place is unstable, we will die staying here!" cried Snape and the earth started to shake. They raced away from the crumbling Tubbydrome Supertronic, avoinding the falling rocks and the posion flower that attacked them.
What, is there like, Devil’s Snare in the area, or something? I’m not entierly sure what’s going on here.
After a while, they reached a safe haven.
Laa-Laa was very sad and crying much:
"Why? Why we let him die Snape?"
"Oh Laa-Laa, he saved us and was his desire that we escaped."
"But it is not fair..."
"I know...I know" and Snape hugged Laa-Laa, and the other Telletubbies did it too.
He died as he lived... or... something.
Now, these four heroes must find a way to save the Telletubbie planet from the horde of dementors that are trying to invade and conquer the place, slaving all of the millions of telletubbie inhabitants. Who is behind all this? Is Voldermort involved? And Snape and Laa-Laa? Will they be together till the end?
God I hope not.
"Laa-Laa, I promisse, we will avenge your brother..."
Finally. Well. Now that that’s over, I hope, I’m gonna go sit in a corner and scream until the world stops turning.